We’ve all been there, you’ve had “one of those days!” Those are the days when you fantasize about running away! Before packing your bags, know this, there’s a reason why your kids force you to yell, and a way to change it. Yes, I said it. Your kids force you to yell, but not in the way you might think.
The Habit Begins
Since young children aren’t finished learning language yet, even though they sound totally fluent, they fill in missing gaps of knowledge by focusing on their parents’ facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice and then use their immature reasoning to interpret what they’ve observed.
We’ve all heard the cute misuses of language on YouTube, but there are also some behavioral misunderstands kids make that can cause a parent to yell, and that’s not so cute!
Nothing packs the energetic punch that yelling does! Think about what you do when you yell. You stop what you’re doing, you turn around, you lock eyes with your child, and you focus all of your words on him. That’s a bunch of attention!
Yes, kids adore loving words and actions, but they also want attention and they should have it. Since yelling packs such a huge energetic wallop, younger kids make the incorrect assumption that the best way to get that much focus and attention is to misbehave. I know it’s counterintuitive, but it’s true.
Shift the scales
If a child’s habit of getting attention through misbehavior goes unchanged by a parent, then the child grows up seeking attention through misbehavior, and no parent wants that! To prevent that from happening it’s best if parents can stop reacting and yelling during early childhood and shift to responding to correct behavior. What does that look like?
Yelling is nothing more than your emotions on steroids. That means you have to look at what your triggers are. Do you expect perfect behavior? Are there too many things on your plate leaving you no energy to deal with the kids? Are there other adult situations impacting your feelings or stamina? Be honest and ask yourself, am I releasing my frustration on my kids becasue they can’t fight back at the same level as an adult would. If so, review what’s happening in your life and make some changes.
Remain Empathetically Connected
When your child misbehaves take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and make a conscious effort to connect with your heart before you say anything. This simple act engages empathy, which is a critical component for a child to feel in order to listen and cooperate.
Focus on the End
All parents want their kids to think before doing something. The best way to create a child who thinks before he leaps is to teach him how to reverse engineer a situation, and that’s a two-step process.
1. Ask questions
Ask him, “Is this what you thought would happen when you did that?” Then ask, “Can you think of a better way to do that?” This teaches him to review his decisions before acting on them.
2. Personal Wisdom
We all know that learning from the results of our actions is the most powerful form of teaching. Parenting is not a license to interfere in that learning. The goal of parenting is to love our kids, keep them safe from danger, and let them learn as we empathetically support, guide and teach them. One aspect of responding means letting life teach your kids, if you can. Let things play out so your child learns from within, from their experience, versus imposing the lesson from outside by punishing.
Those are 3 basic tips to get you started. Are you looking for the meat and potatoes of how to apply these and many more principals to stop yelling? If so, consider our BreakThrough Series. It’s a Master Class designed to be your roadmap to guide you from the preschool years thru the high school years. It’s broken out into three age groups, preschool, school age, and tween/teen. It contains scripts that share the words that tranform your reacting into responding. And most importantly, it’s going away! Yes, what’s now all in one package, and at one low price, is being broken up into many packages and will cost much more soon. Take advantage of the low price and get yours TODAY.
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