I AM THAT MOM!
I just finished being interviewed for a summit, details about that next week, where I shared a bit about the kind of mother I was and the aha moment I had about my parenting.
It’s not a pretty story.
It’s not one I am proud of.
But it is the truth.
If you’ve never read my posts before, let me begin by saying, I’m pretty big on telling the truth.
The truth is all I’ve got!
Here’s my story.
It begins in a galaxy far, far away when I was confined to bed for the last 4 months of my second pregnancy.
Before I realized I was pregnant for the second time, my husband and I took our sweet son to San Diego to play in the ocean. We went body surfing one day. As we were playing, I was surprised by a huge wave that threw me onto the shore, and onto my belly.
A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Several months later as my belly began to stretch, I began to bleed. So, I was confined to bed to keep baby in the womb.
Baby #2 was born during one of the worse El Nino seasons CA had seen in years. He was also born with some physical complications that required me to be hyper-aware of everything he did 24 /7.
When I look back on this time period, I realize that my 3-yr olds behavior was, in part, due to the fact that he was not getting my full attention like he’d been used to.
Due to the constant rains, flooding, and mudslides, and baby’s physical condition, we were confined to the house, day-in and day-out. To say we were bored was an understatement! The power struggles were increasing, and so was the yelling.
On that particular day, I decided I’d had enough. I reached out to give the 3-yr. old a hug to try and change the dynamic between us, but he recoiled from me.
I—was—crushed!
The 3-yr. old began to cry.
I began to cry.
And the baby began to cry.
I remember sliding down the wall into a puddle on the floor.
I realized that I had begun turning my beautiful boy’s love for me—into fear of me.
I realized—I‘d become that mom!
I was devastated. I had become what I swore I would never become.
I had been spanked, slapped, and yelled at as a child. I swore I would never do that to my kids. In the midst of that aha moment I realized I was headed down that same path. Of course I rationalized my behavior by telling myself that I wasn’t spanking or slapping my child, all I was doing was giving him a “a potch” on the tuchus” (old Yiddish term for swatting a diaper). The aha moment shattered that lie to pieces.
I knew I had to do something, but I had no idea what to do.
Then I realized, I had a problem.
If I didn’t want to yell, or use a “potch on the tuchus” ever again, then how are you supposed to teach your kids right from wrong?
How do you teach them that you mean business?
(For the details about why I unconsciously behaved that way, and how I changed my behavior, listen to my Free Webinar, “Why Do I Yell and What Can I Do Instead?” It’s on the nav. bar at proactive parenting dot net)
That’s when I decided that if I had this issue, there were many more parents who had the same or similar issue. I knew there had to be answers, but I had no idea how to find them. And that’s what motivated me to become a parent educator.
As the years have passed, I’ve learned that I’m not satisfied just passing on information stating the obvious “don’t do that and here is why” posts. I don’t think it goes far enough, especially when you are in the middle of a reaction.
Those posts feel like someone is telling me what to do.
Like someone knows more about me, my life, and my child, and I don’t agree with that.
I believe that parents are the experts on their kids.
They know what will, and what won’t work! They know which concepts, techniques, and skills are a match for them, their child, and their family. I honor that knowledge. In fact I rely on that knowledge when I’m creating parenting products, eBooks and seminars.
My job, as I see it, is to provide you with a wider perspective and options to use that are in alignment with that wider perspective. And tips to use when things don’t go as planned. Because life with kids, means things don’t always go as planned!
That’s what I wanted all those years ago when my kids were being raised, so I assume you want that too!
Look, I am not perfect.
My kids aren’t perfect.
I am a mom who has flaws, like everyone else.
I’m a mom who made mistakes.
I’m a mom who went on a journey to connect the dots so I could find out why I unconsciously yelled and reacted.
Acknowledging and understanding my story led me to blend my early childhood development training with introspective philosophies and parenting theory to create step-by-step ways to correct behavior by responding, not reacting.
I’m a mom and an educator whose passion was, and is, to share what she’s learned so others can stop yelling and reacting too.
Just thought you’d want to know that there are ways to stop yelling, ways to stop repeating the kind of parenting you swore you wouldn’t use.
Take a look at Proactive Parenting products, seminars, books and ebooks and begin making changes today—your child will thank you, and you’ll be able to return to the fun and love you imagined parenting would bring.
Take a look at Proactive Parenting products, seminars, books and ebooks and begin making changes today—your child will thank you, and you’ll be able to return to the fun and love you imagined parenting would bring.