Remember when your child was this little? Unless you’ve been under a rock, you know that this Sunday is Mother’s Day.
What have you been thinking or dreaming about for Mother’s Day?
Do you want to sleep in?
Want breakfast in bed?
Want to be alone, want to read a book, or want to watch a movie?
What would YOU like for Mother’s Day?
Here’s the big question…have you told anyone what you want?
OR have you decided that this is the moment to test your partner’s mind-reading skills?
OR are you waiting to see what DH comes up with so you can record it in the big balance sheet called “The litmus test of his love?”
No matter what your expectations are, if you don’t communicate them, you’ll be disappointed.
You’re an empowered mama and “you know what you want, what you really, really want.” Yup, I just used a Spice Girls reference!
Sometimes you just have to be honest about your reality, what people are capable of or comfortable with, and that includes parenting, too. HPLYRIKZ.com says,
“At some point, you just have to let go of what you thought would happen, and live in the what is happening.”
James Lehman says,
“You need to parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had.”
Doing all that is hard for most of us. We’ve all had dreams about the “perfect child and the perfect family,” cue Norman Rockwell. The problem is, family life is tough, it’s unpredictable, and it changes from one minute to the next. One day your child is sweet and well behaved, and the next she’s filled with rage and spewing horrible accusations that sting.
When parenting feels like a crap shoot, the best tool to pull out is something that’s been around for centuries—mindfulness.
Using a mindful parenting authority allows you to live in the moment, the moment that is constantly changing when you have kids. Being mindful doesn’t reduce your authority, it actually increases it, and it does it in a calm firm way. Yeah, it’s true.
Once you become calm and aware, your being becomes the essence of genuine authority, the type of authority that’s in charge, not trying to gain control. That simple shift, being in charge versus taking control, is the key and your child can feel the difference.
When you use a calm mindful parental authority your child feels safe. When you react and use yelling and punishment, your child, who is no different than you are, feels like she has to defend her position, claim her rights, and argue, or resist the learning you’re trying to provide.
This week for Mother’s Day speak what’s true for you, and be clear about “what you want, what you really really want.” Expressing your truth is a mindful act, and reduces resentment and emotional exhaustion.
Besides all the benefits I just mentioned, I’m guessing what you really want is to remain connected, yet firm, as you correct behavior. You want to reduce the emotional chaos, reactions, and yelling, and you want your child to learn about themselves and life, not just academics. Does that sound about right?
Look I’m not a fool, reading or listening to information about how to shift your reacting into learning moments is not at the top if your list, I get it.
However, it’s so important for you to think about how what you do today impacts tomorrow, that I’m willing to keep pressing you to take action for the sake of your child’s emotional future. Too dramatic???
What’s the one thing that will make your family life calmer? I’m guessing having less reactions and less misbehavior would be great!
Proactive Parenting offers ways to become more mindful in your parenting without sacrificing your authority. We have solutions, concepts, and scripts to guide you along the way.
And don’t’ forget to opt-in so you can get our gift, 7 Quick Tips Teaching Kids Self-Control.
Happy Mother’s Day to each and all of you.
I hope you get what you want—what you really, really want!
Now, go hug your kids.