Let Me Ask You This…Week 3

What if you and your partner/hubby aren’t on the same page when it comes to parenting, what then?

FYI: This is one of those heavy posts I warned you about.
Week one we discussed the dreams you had for your future relationship, and the reality you’re living now. Last week we discussed whether or not you and hubby/partner are on the same page with regard to parenting.
This week I want to address what happens when you aren’t on the same page.
Then next week…? We’ll get to positive solutions soon–I promise!
Why am I going here?
Marriage is difficult; we all know this. There are many things that can erode a marriage. The statistics on marriage are abysmal!
50% of first marriages, 67% of second marriages, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce. Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology
Is there a solution that can help save a marriage from divorce?
I don’t know. What I do know is, we have a habit in our society of glancing over what’s wrong in our relationships, and I think everything begins there.
We often tell our friends and relatives that we don’t like this or that about a person or a relationship, but most people go no further than that.
So what does “going no further than that” do to a marriage?
It can mean you yell instead of talk.
It can mean you start talking about a parenting issue you don’t agree on and it morphs into yelling about a marriage issue.
It can mean you consistently walk away without resolving things.
That’s what I mean by “going no further than that.” People are skipping the resolution process. Skipping the resolution process means the issue is destined to come up again, and again.
Things don’t magically change or go away when two people are involved. Believe me, I hoped for a long time that things would magically change in my marriage, but then I woke up to the cold hard truth—we both had to really deal with things!
What can be done? I think you begin by taking a sober look at the details. I believe you look at your situation, without judgment to see how things play out for you.
I don’t mean to generalize here. Everyone is different, but there are some common themes that can emerge in relationships.
See if any of the following resonates with you?
Some couples have the habit of blaming the other person.
Each one decides, “If you don’t see things my way, then you are wrong?”
Some people swallow their feelings.
They feel like it’s just better not to rock the boat.
Some couples bitch at each other and announce their disappointment about each other every day.
They act and feel angry all the time.
Some couples disengage and become emotionally distant.
They seem to be waiting for the other person to make the first move before they’re willing to let warm feelings can show up again.
My goal here is not to make life more difficult. My goal, after many, many years of marriage (32 years), raising kids, and teaching parenting is to let you know that it does take courage to look at things that make you uncomfortable, but it’s so worth the journey to get to the other side.
Do it for you. Do it for the love you have for each other. And, of course, do it for the kids.
Give this some thought, and I’ll see you on Thursday for lighter things!

Sharon Silver is the author of Stop Reacting and Start Responding and The Authentic Parent Series. Go to proactiveparenting.net to download two free chapters from her book and learn about other Proactive Parenting programs. Find Sharon on Twitter and Facebook.

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