Did you discuss what you wanted out of life, family and parenting with your partner before you committed to being together or got married?
Did you ever find yourself in front of other families and begin talking about how you’d handle things if you were married or had kids?
Were you honest? Or were you so in love that you didn’t want to rock the boat?
Now that you have kids, are you both still on the same page? Or are your parenting styles different? Is that causing friction?
I believe that most people hold the misconception that because “we’re in love,” we will always agree, and all of our beliefs and ways of dealing with things will naturally be on the same page. I know I did.
However, when the romantic smoke clears, and reality takes its place, most begin to fear that if we don’t agree, then something is wrong with our love, our commitment, and our relationship.
I’ve spent a lot of time in my marriage; it’s our 32nd anniversary today, finding ways to stay connected in the midst of our different points of view about life, family and parenting.
I’ve been on a quest to find and maintain what I wanted out of life and he has done the same. What I’ve come to realize is our quests are our own private paths. As Kahlil Gibran says in The Prophet, “But let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”
Have we always been successful? No! Do we work hard at it? Yes!
We both had the romantic illusion that we were on the same page about everything in our marriage and family.
Our new quest is to remain romantic, without the illusion.
This week’s question is: Are you and your partner on the same page? If not, is it gnawing at your relationship? What are the issues where you’re not on the same page?
I know it can be scary to look at your relationship with no blinders on. More often than not, reality is not as bad as you think. And, a lot of the time, the honest look turns into an honest conversation. The honest conversation usually sparks a lot of love.
One more thing. I know you know this, but sometimes it helps to get a gentle reminder.
How you handle your relationship becomes the model for the next generation—your kids.
Just some food for thought to think about over this week.
P.S. A Case of Honesty
There may be new people reading this blog this week. So I want to re-introduce myself to those of you who haven’t heard me speak or write before.
I’m direct! I’m not mean or cruel. I’m just a-tell-it-like-I-see-it-kind-of-person.
I really do ask questions that get to the heart of the matter.
I’m not a therapist; I’m a parent educator, and a human being who has questions, concerns and issues, just like you do.
I realize this is my opinion. I know you may agree with all of this, or parts of it, or nothing at all.
I hear from so many parents that they’re unhappy.
They love their child, but they’re not in love with the parenting that’s required to raise their child.
My goal with this blog is to help parents get clear, for themselves, about what’s blocking them from living the life they hoped they’d have now that they have children.
There will be times when my questions will seem emotionally heavy.
My goal is to simply ask powerful, self-revealing questions that, hopefully, will make you think about your answers, and your life.
My goal is for you to have your own aha moment and uncover some growth keys for yourself.
That’s how I see it. I told you I was direct. I’m also nice and can be funny too. Ask anyone. LOL!
So what are your thoughts about this week’s question?
Sharon Silver is the author of Stop Reacting and Start Responding and The Authentic Parent Series. Go to proactiveparenting.net to download two free chapters from her book and learn about other Proactive Parenting programs. Find Sharon on Twitter and Facebook.