Teen and parents talking by a park bench
Divorce + Bonus Parents + Emotional Safety
I am a child of divorce.

I was not welcoming to the people my parents’ dated.

I was a full blown teenager who’s life was turned upside down when my parents divorced.

Imagine, leaving a your full-time parent, living with the parent who had no clue how to parent, moving to a new state, and being a teenager!

I was distant and cold, and really distant and cold. That was my emotional range at the time.

I have no excuses for my bad behavior. I knew better, but did not do better. My whole family was in pain, and I was only focused on me, and what I was going through.

My behavior was short-lived because in the end, I came to adore my step-dad. And, the woman my dad was dating at the time, she and I really bonded.

I came across this article from PopSugar this morning. It sums up the dream of what I wanted when my parents divorced.

Yes, this article is talking about a much younger child. But all children are deeply connected to their parents, regardless of age or behavior.

When my parents divorced, I felt rejected.

I felt left to fend for myself.

I felt alone in this world, with no clue how to navigate life.

I realize now, that’s why I work with parents to help them deal with correcting behavior using calm, yet firm techniques, so a child feels safe, loved, and has boundaries they can learn from.

Who of you are divorced? What are your true thoughts about your child and her “Bonus Mommy or Daddy”? This article is spot on. You have to put your child first. You have to rise to the occasion and work together.

Having mutual goals, ways to raise your beloved child that span between households, is so helpful. AND… when that can’t happen, because one party is wounded, or won’t rise to the occasion, so be it.

You don’t need to lower yourself, behave badly or talk trash about the other party. I can tell you from a child’s perspective how hard that is for a child. It’s like making your child the rope in an emotional tug of war!

Trust me when I tell you, putting your child in the middle will never cause them to see your point of view. It will only cause them great emotional damage, and cause them to resent and distrust you. Trust me on this, I know this to be true.

Now, go hug your kids! 

Proactive Parenting:  
Making sure that love – not yelling – is the loudest thing your child hears. 
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