Ellen DeGeneres calls Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell’s husband and actor from Parenthood, Dr. Dax. She says it’s because “He is strangely good at it.” She proves her point by asking an audience member to stand up and ask “Dr. Dax” a question.
AM: (audience member) “When my boyfriend and I argue, he gives me the silent treatment and just sits there, which makes me feel like a crazy person.”
DD: (Dr. Dax) “Are you a transmission mechanic?”
DD: “If your transmission broke, would you and your boyfriend take it out in the driveway and try and fix it?”
AM: “No, I would take it to someone to fix it.”
DD: “Yes, because you care about your car.”
DD: “Are you a couple’s therapist or a coach?”
DD: “Do you care about your relationship?”
DD: “Then you should show your relationship the same respect you would show your car. You should go to a therapist [or a parenting mentor]. Kris and I started right out of the gate. Coaching is a great way to prevent terrible patterns from starting, as opposed to doing it way late and trying to unravel terrible patterns.”
“Dr.Dax’s” response is filled with wisdom and applies to parenting, as well. Adjusting how you deal with behavior before it becomes a habitual pattern, is key. It allows you to create a baseline of expectations that you and your child can rely on for years to come.
All of us carry wounds and triggers from our childhood. Those wounds and triggers are the fuel behind your reactions. Especially now that you’re with those you love 24/7.
Have you noticed frustration, anger, and reactions emerging? The triggers were all there before this event began; now, they’re increasing due to the fear we all feel. Sometimes, especially when stressed, mom and dad can start arguing about how to handle things while correcting their child’s behavior.
We’ve all heard that “parenting is a marathon, not a sprint.” It’s also not about competing to see who can do a better job. When arguing about the way to handle behavior begins, damage occurs within the couple’s relationship, and the child’s response ends up getting a pass because everyone is upset.
Your kids are looking to you to see how you handle this event. Once you show them how to be brave and healthy, you think—they’ve got it now; they’ll emotionally relax, and things will calm down. Instead, misbehavior and or big emotions seem to occur again and again.
Kids unconsciously need to know they’re safe in every environment and situation they find themselves in right now. Psychologists and experts from around the globe are helping parents deal with this anxiety and fear. That’s a resource we all need right now.
I see my job as giving parents solutions to the practical everyday things you’re facing. That’s just who I am.
With that in mind, don’t forget the no opt-in ebook called Same-Page Parenting; even when styles clash,
for ways to help you deal with interruptions, big emotions, and disagreements between parenting partners.
Go read it online https://proactiveparenting.net/wpcontent/uploads/2020/03/Same-Page-eBook.pdf
The tips will help you:
• give kids silent attention when you’re on the phone, texting, or on zoom.
• shut down a frustrated tone of voice, an attitude, or disrespect, the moment you utter these two magical words.
• create an honest dialog, using 17 quick questions about parenting triggers, styles, and goals to help you define how to be on the same-page as you go forward.
Click here to read Same-Page Parenting; even when styles clash
Have a good weekend—it’s the weekend, right. I’ve lost track of time!
Now, go hug your kids.