This post comes after some aha moments were shared with me this week. And I stick by what I said in my last email.
The time for parenting chit-chat and non-actionable theorizing are over! It’s â°Â to get real.
Using corrections that sacrifice emotional well-being and learning, and just don’t work are over! It’s â°Â to use your true authority to broaden your parental job description.
Accepting that parentingÂ drainsÂ you of all your energy is over.â€¨Â Itâ€™sÂ â°Â to use methods that can be adjusted so theyâ€™re a perfect fit for your unique family, which produces more energy to enjoyÂ what life offers.
You might be thinking, all thatÂ sounds great but it feelsÂ as ifÂ somethingÂ is stoppingÂ me from achieving that type of parenting?
Let’sÂ dismantleÂ the moment every parentÂ hates; the moment when you go from calm to furious in 1.2 seconds. Take a deep breath, ðŸ§˜ this is aÂ big idea!
Youâ€™re enjoying a cup of tea â˜•, coffee â˜•, or a glass of wine ðŸ·. â€¨
Then you hear it.
World War III has broken out in the living room. ðŸ§¨
As you arrive you hear your kids hurling insults and mean words at each other. Before you can say anything, your older one picks up a family photo and throws it on the floor. Glass shards appear everywhere as she stomps out of the room.Your mind goes blank.
Anger emerges from the depth of your soul. ðŸ¤¯
Then you see that one of the shards of glass has ripped a favorite family photo ðŸ–¼ and you becomeÂ furious.Â You know this moment could be transformed into a learning moment, but you ignore that and launch into delivering your anger.You begin yelling instead of speaking firmly.
You feel justified in releasing your anger.
You want your child to know how mad this made you, so you yell until you feel calmer.Â ðŸ—£ï¸
Now that your feelings have been heard and delivered, you turn your attention to the situation while still trying to figure out the best way to deal with what’s happened.Sound familiar?Â Here’s the hard part.You had a choice not to yell and deliver your anger in that way.
And you chose not to take it. ðŸ¥º
You had a choice to use self-control without compromising your true feelings.
And you chose not to take it. ðŸ¥º
You unconsciously chose to release the pain and pressure of your feelings by yelling at your child.
Your child did the same thing as she yelled at her siblingâ€”she wasÂ releasing her pain.
And then theÂ pressure of her feelings caused her to lashÂ out in anger and throwÂ your favoriteÂ picture in
Are you still breathing?ðŸ§˜Â I know that was a big one;Â there are solutions.
â€¨I would neverÂ ask you to ignore your feelings.
What I am saying is immersing yourself in anger isnâ€™t the best way to express yourself so your child will learn.
Â Â Youâ€™re a person.Â ðŸ¤œðŸ¤›
Â Â You have feelings.Â ðŸ’”
Â Â You understand how important it is to be aware of your true feelings.â€¨Being in a relationship with a child,
Â Â which is what parenting is, ðŸ§‘ðŸ¤ðŸ§’means factoring in your childâ€™s temperament, personality, and
Â Â understanding of themselves as you correct behavior.
Â Â â€¢ Is the person you’re angry with a strong-willed individual who tends to argue until (s)he wins? ðŸ˜¤
Â Â â€¢ Is the person you’re angry with a sensitive person who defines themselves byÂ other peopleâ€™s
judgmentsÂ and opinions. ðŸ˜ž
Â Â â€¢ Is the way you’re delivering your anger the best delivery method for thisÂ personâ€™s learning? ðŸ¤·
Those are only a few of the reasons why parenting is so difficult.
Youâ€™re the expert on your child.Â ðŸ‘©â€âš•ï¸
You have an intuitive sense of who your child is, what they need, and whatÂ they understand.Â
When you consciously shift from using yelling to express your true feelings, to clearly and firmlyÂ expressing your authority, boundaries, and feelings as your child learns,Â your child learns how toÂ express their feelings withoutÂ anger, too. ðŸŒ±
That’sÂ what Proactive Parenting does best, helps you Transform Behavior into Learning Moments.
If you need methods to support you until you find your new parentingÂ rhythm, check out our blog and store at proactiveparenting.NETÂ
Now, go hug your kids.Â
P.S.Â For some reason my colors and spacing would not work. Please forgive the added spaces, and the lack of color matching. For some reason, Divi is stuck and weird today.Â