Can I get 1 minute to myself?
If so, I have a wonderful tip/method that gives your child the attention (s)he needs AS you do whatever adult activity you need to do.
This is a bit long but worth the read.
How was your long weekend?
Did you experience anything like this? 😲
You haven’t had a moment to yourself all day. You’ve even run into the bathroom multiple times just to get a minute of privacy. 🤯
Your child (regardless of age) is whiny and agitated, and you can’t figure out why?
If you hear, “Ma, mommy, mom?” one more time, you’ll scream! 😬
What are you supposed to do?
Do you stop whatever you’re doing each time your child stands beside you not sure what she needs, wants, or desires?
Are you supposed to sit down to play, or watch a movie 🎥 because (s)he is bored?
Are you supposed to get off the phone ☎️ each time your child interrupts you?
How do you give your child attention, when you don’t have an ounce of attention left to give?
The key 🔑 is to give your child the kind of attention that truly fills her up, without causing you to summon up more energy than you have ⚖️ or stop you from doing what you need to do.
Is this possible? Yes, it is.
All the methods at Proactive Parenting serve to fill your child’s needs AND stop the emotional exhaustion you feel.
So, what do you do in a situation like this?
You rub her back. What????
This concept works for all ages. It even works with husbands, with a few modifications of course. Teehee.
It’s a school holiday; the kids have been home for 3 days. Today has been a particularly whiny, needy day and you still have to make a phone call. ☎️
Imagine you’re talking on the phone and your child walks into the office interrupting and chattering at you, what do you do? Postpone the call? 😡
Typically, you’d loudly whisper her name and sternly point to the phone, hoping she’ll get the hint that you’re focused on a phone call and stop talking. Or you stop your conversation and say, “Excuse me, I’m on the phone!”
a. Instead of doing that, silently motion for her to come toward you (or use as few words as possible).
🔑Suggestion: Practice this first. Pretend to be on the phone as you do this the first couple of times, so you get the concept down and can notice the clues your child sends as she fills up with your attention. This really works!
b. Try to keep your eyes focused on whatever you’re doing, or have as little eye contact as possible. 🤫
Eye contact sends a silent message that says, I’m willing to engage with you. This method teaches that I can silently give you attention, even when I’m focused on something else.
c. Keep motioning for her to come and stand beside you. Motion for her to come within arms reach.
She may be confused about what you want her to do since this is the opposite of what you normally do. Hang in there and keep motioning.
Put your arm around her and…
The first few times you do this, she’ll most likely keep talking. That’s okay. You practice this tip so you don’t react when she keeps talking.
d. When she gets close to you, lovingly begin rubbing her back. Remain engaged in what you’re doing, and just rub her back.
Now, notice what happens to your child.
First, she’ll lean in toward you.
Next, she’ll either stop talking or chatter about a bunch of nothing.
She does this because she can feel her emotional tank being filled up by having her back rubbed.
e. At some point, usually within a few minutes, she’ll pull away and go back to whatever she was doing.
Her tank was filled by the emotional fuel that comes from the safest place she knows—you!
PLUS you were able to give her what she needed without sacrificing what you needed.
If your child immediately pulls away from you, then she wasn’t looking to fill her emotional tank with attention. Keep using your parental-intuition to see what else is going on.
This method is lovingly called Blast & Run because sometimes, and more often than you’d think, kids just need a blast of attention to fill them up so they go back to whatever they were doing.
If their needs aren’t filled, a child will unconsciously look for another way to get attention, and that usually occurs through misbehavior.
I highly suggest you give today’s tip a try so you can gain the benefit from it as well. Not only will you be able to remain focused on your adult activities, but you’ll also be able to give your sweet one what she needs; the deep love that inspires trust and growth. Plus you’ll be teaching her how to respect another person’s space and what they’re doing. Who doesn’t want that?
All of the work I do and the methods I share are designed to reduce emotional exhaustion, including all the methods in 10 No-Yelling methods that Teach & Correct behavior.
**Due to the NorCal power outages, I’m extending the Private Release special price until October 18th.
You want these 10 methods, they’ll work now and for years to come.