#5 Lay Down Your Verbal Weapons: 6 Ways to Stop Sibling Wars
5. Don’t compare.
Comparing does a lot of damage to a child. It also sets up bad habits for the future.
Comparing shows a child that they’re less than another, usually a sibling.
Comparing never makes a child rise up to work harder, it only pits sibling against sibling.
Comparing doesn’t produce a challenge to get better at something, it only silently points out a persons inabiltiy.
I’ve actually heard parents say, competition is something we all have to face in the adult world, so why shouldn’t my kids learn about it now. I say hogwash!
Parental input helps to create the foundation of who a child is yet to become. You want your child’s foundation to be strong enough to withstand emotional assaults like competition yet still retain their high self-esteem. However, if we consistently expose our children to competition with-in the family they misinterpret it and see it as being taken down a peg, as being unworthy. Some children even begin to feel so resentful that it can affect the parent-child and the sibling relationship for a lifetime.
The other thing comparing siblings does is cause siblings to argue and fight. The immature child thinks, if I win this round with him/her then my standing with mom and dad goes up. Closeness between parent and child and sibling to sibling is forsaken, the ability to teach conflict resolution skills never happens. The child then takes that dissapointment and competes on the playground, grows up to compete in the workplace and competes against his chosen partner in life. Competing can also leads to bullying. No one wants that for their child. So please stop comparing as a means of motivating, it just doesn’t work!