Each and every one of us has been impacted by the words someone said to us at one time or another in our lives. Sometimes the words inspire, applaud or affirm us in some way. Other times the words are hurtful, demeaning or judgmental and play like a broken record over and over again in our head.
This happens to your children as well. Children define themselves by the words that are said to them. It's a huge responsibility being a parent and having that much influence over another human being.
But you have a choice.
We all have choices about the words we say to one another. You don't have to react, you can respond and teach instead.
Who ever said you have to speak when you're feeling angry, frustrated, disappointed, short on time or energy—because you don't.
In fact saying, "I'm not ready to speak to you right now." is one of the most powerful things a parent can say to a child. It sends the silent message that you mean business. It allows you to take a moment to collect yourself so you can decide how you want to handle things. It also allows you to shift from reacting … to responding.
Today is the last post in the Listening Tips Series. I hope you've found them helpful.
Tip #3 may seem obvious, however, when a parent is in the midst of reacting they often forget the impact their reaction has on their child's ability to listen.
Day #2 Listening Differences
Today's tip will change your parenting perspective! This tip explains why girls cry and say, "You're yelling at me!" and why boys seem to be ignoring you!
Did you enjoy this tip? If so, please share it friends. Also, consider opting-in to Proactive Parenting (dot) net so you can recieve tips like these and other things I only share with my list in the newsletter.
See you tomorrow with Tips #3.
Have you ever wondered how to *increase* your child's ability to #listen to you?
Each day this week, I'm posting a tip about #listening.
If you're looking for more tips like this:
check out my book Stop Reacting and Start Responding: Revised Version
To download two tips, go to the bottom of the book page, click the button under the box marked testimonials.
This is so true.
Parents tell me all the time, our home seems to be a constant battlefield. Always correcting, always yelling and punishing. Consider for a moment that words have power. They provoke feelings that sting. If you want to live in a peaceful envirnoment, think about what the photo says.
And if your children are snarky, rude, mean, or disrespectful, then you have to take a hard look at the environment where they're picking that behavior up.
It could school, the park, the kids in the neighborhood, a family member, who knows?
Kids are naturally sweet, kind, helpful and willing to be respectful, unless an shown otherwise.
Having tech problems. Sorry about the look of this.
How do children learn to correct mistakes? By watching how you correct yours.
How do children learn to overcome their failures? By watching how you overcome yours.
How do children learn to treat themselves with forgiveness?
By watching how you forgive yourself.
Therefore your mistakes, and your failures are blessings,
opportunities for the best in parenting.
The Parent's Tao Te Ching, by William Martin
Have unconditional love for yourself on Valentine's Day and evey day and you'll be showing your child how to accept him or her self, their sucesses and their failures.
I received an email this morning from a parent who has been reading the Unconditional Love series. She had a sweet experience with her son that I thought you'd enjoy reading about. It's how to use some of the things I've talked about over the last couple days. Enjoy.
"It’s because of you that last night while my son was brushing his teeth – well procrastinating obnoxiously in the bathroom to get his teeth brushed – I was so frustrated that I could have thrown something, but instead I leaned down and kissed his head and rubbed his shoulders and said, “you are being a rascal but I sure love you”. He stopped and smiled and then got his teeth brushed. My struggle has been knowing when to set boundaries and absolutely not let a behavior continue – versus – knowing when it’s only a reaction he’s after and if I act unaffected he’ll often stop that behavior anyway. It’s a very fine line though and it’s hard to look at the whole picture in the moment. You’re newsletters have helped."
Happy Valtentine's Day!
Oh. btw, I just created a Google+ "page" for Proactive Parenting. Come on over and join me there so you can be invited to the Google Hangouts that are coming soon! http://bit.ly/1ghoNrN
Unconditional love is a form of honesty.
Looking through the eyes of uncondtional love allows you to honestly see what your child is experiencing when (s)he is having a hard time.
Seeing through the lens of unconditional love helps you decide if you need to intervene, or stand by, or say something that needs to be said in a loving firm way.
Uncondtional love fuels you so you can express empathy and support as a child learns to do something for himself, instead of doing it for him because it's easier.
Uncondtional love means being the strength that you child can't be right now.
Unconditional love inspires silence instead of reactions.
Loving silence expresses respect while reminding your child of all the rules and values in your home.
Leave us a comment and let us know how you're using unconditional love in your life.
Well chat again tomorrow!
Sharon ~ Proactive Parenting